Wednesday, August 11, 2021

My hook

 no your mark get set  BANG!! The race was on  I was number 42 it was under water as the water was slowing me down my muscles got heavy but I endured  the pain . I needed to win for my country they are canting  on me  while I was jump over  the hurdle  I could see number 25 was caching I only needed to jump over one more hurdle i jump the hurdle .after that i ran as fast as a Falcon i past the finish line.i feel good to represent New Zealand .


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4 comments:

  1. Mrs CassidyAugust 11, 2021 at 7:13 PM

    WAHOO Marvin,YOU DID IT-you won the race.

    I really enjoyed the beginning of this story.It was way better than reading,One Day or Once upon a time...

    What challenges did you face running with flippers?.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousAugust 12, 2021 at 9:26 AM

    hello i like the way made the bang bold and how you were Reprisenting
    new Zealand next time you should make your letters bigger
    how did you do that

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousAugust 12, 2021 at 9:57 AM

    Hi MJ like the way you put a lot of effort into your work. I like the way you started with a exiting intro to hook the reader.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Jane CliffordAugust 13, 2021 at 9:29 AM

    Well done. MJ. You have a quality piece of writing with GREAT IDEAS and language features. Please re-read with a buddy to check punctuation before you publish your work. With some punctuation changes this would be even more fantastic! Tino pai.

    ReplyDelete

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